breathing out

the waiting is the hardest part.
the whole time, imagining the cancer slowly taking over,
winding its way around and though,
eating away at my health. not considering that
i am a mama
i am a wife
i am a teacher
i want to live until i am 89.

written in an email 8/25/10:

yesterday, when i met with my chemotherapist for the first time, she had my PET scan in front of her. she introduced herself to me, sat down, and said, "i have good news. the cancer has not spread to your lymph nodes or any of your organs."
i almost fell off of my chair!
since this whole journey started, i have braced myself for the worst. and today, when i met with my oncologist, i learned that i will be ok. i do have a long road ahead...but, in the end, i will still be breathing and here to watch my son grow and enjoy my family.
my oncologist, dr. abbas, had a colleague of his from hopkins examine me this afternoon. they are concerned about the type of cancer that i have, so they are presenting my case to two different boards to make sure they have covered everything. then, next week, we will discuss my treatment. (surgery/chemo/radiation).
the choices are not fun, but i will do whatever it takes...
they both said that i will be ok...that i will get through this. it will be work, but i can do it.

i will live.

and honestly, a week ago? i wasn't too sure about that.

so, please. be good to one another. don't take your days for granted. slow down and soak it all in. because it really is a luxury to enjoy this thing called life.

i love you all. and thank you for your prayers and good energy. i think the outcome has proven that it works.