read all about it

blog about it, said my mother.
write about it,my brother advised. that way, you can keep everyone updated and you won't have to repeat yourself to exhaustion.
share your story, my aunt suggested. maybe you can help others going through the same thing.

so here goes. here is the first email that i sent out.
the first what-the-hell-is-she-saying to those i love.
written between panic attacks on the bedroom floor and
"you can fight this" encouragement from my mother.
trying to stay positive while waiting for the other shoe to drop.
seriously considering the process of wrapping things up and wondering why
i don't have a bucket list.

8/19/2010
the next few weeks are going to be a bit crazy. i don't want to alarm you, but i am in the middle of a health-thing. i will know more on wednesday after i have had a PET scan and my doctor can look at it. bottom line: i have cervical cancer. and they are not sure what stage it is...or how much it has spread. usually cervical cancer is slow to spread, which is why people don't worry too much when they are diagnosed. but i have a rare, aggressive cervical cancer that is fast moving. (yay, me!) you know...i always have to be different. sigh...
so. by the end of next week, i will either be getting the hysterectomy/chemo/radiation combo package...or the simpler chemo/radiation deal. we'll see.

i hate sending this in an email. but i am just so tired of talking about it...repeating the same story over and over while i cry and then worry about how the person i just told is doing. you are all my "people". and right now, i need the strength of you all. what i really want to do is just curl around my boy and be normal.

i will be ok. i have to be. i feel that there is no other option, really.

i love you all. please pray for me, send healing thoughts, goodness and whatever else you can muster.

kathleen